What OCD Actually Is (and Isn’t)
I recently had the pleasure of joining Kristie Plantinga of Place Digital & Felicia Keller Boyle of The Bad Therapist for their new series, “What Your Therapist Thinks.” In our chat, we dissected all things OCD, and it got me thinking - this conversation deserves to be shared via blog format, for all to read (if not a podcast fan!). So, if you’re wondering what is OCD, actually? → read on!
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You’ve probably heard someone say it:
“I have to keep my counters spotless — I’m so OCD!”
Most of the time, people don’t mean harm when they say this. But for those actually living with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), those casual comments can sting. OCD isn’t a personality quirk or a love of order — it’s a real mental health condition that can make everyday life feel like a minefield of fear, guilt, and doubt.
So, let’s clear up what OCD actually is… and what it’s not.
OCD Isn’t Just “Liking Things Clean”
There’s nothing wrong with being neat, organized, or liking a tidy home. That’s called having preferences — and preferences don’t cause distress or derail your day.
The difference with OCD is how much those preferences start to control your life.
For example:
Liking a clean kitchen? Normal.
Feeling like you can’t leave the house because there’s a crumb on the floor — and being flooded with shame and anxiety until it’s spotless? That’s OCD.
People with OCD experience intrusive thoughts — repetitive, unwanted, and distressing ideas that get stuck on repeat. The compulsions that follow are the behaviors (mental or physical) people use to try to quiet those thoughts.
Maybe it’s cleaning, checking, counting, or mentally reviewing every conversation for mistakes. The “why” is always the same: trying to stop the anxiety.
OCD Can Look Like a Lot of Different Things
OCD is an umbrella term, and it doesn’t show up the same way for everyone. Two people with OCD might have entirely different fears and compulsions.
Here are just a few common themes:
Contamination OCD: Fear of germs, illness, or dirt.
Perfectionism / “Just Right” OCD: Fear of making mistakes or needing things to feel exactly right.
Harm OCD: Fear of hurting someone, even though you don’t want to.
Magical Thinking OCD: Belief that certain actions (like counting, saying phrases, or routines) prevent bad things from happening.
Relationship OCD: Doubting your love for your partner or worrying you’ll cheat — even when you don’t want to.
Some of these fears can sound “delusional” from the outside, but for the person experiencing them, they feel absolutely real.
The inner dialogue often sounds like:
“If I don’t wake up at 6:05 every morning, my mom might get in a car accident.”
“If I don’t repeat this prayer just right, something terrible could happen.”
The rituals become safety behaviors — exhausting ones that never truly satisfy the brain’s craving for certainty.
What About Intrusive Thoughts?
Intrusive thoughts are one of the most misunderstood parts of OCD.
They’re not random quirks or passing musings like, “What if I jumped off this balcony?” (that’s more of an impulsive thought — it comes and goes).
Intrusive thoughts stick. They come back again and again, even when you desperately want them gone.
And they often attack what you value most.
Examples:
“What if I hurt someone I love?”
“What if I’m secretly a terrible person?”
“What if I don’t really love my partner?”
“What if I lose control and do something awful?”
OCD latches onto the things that matter deeply — your morals, relationships, identity, and sense of safety — and then convinces you to question them relentlessly.
It’s Not Just in the Mind — It’s in the Body, Too
OCD can be very cerebral, but it’s also deeply felt in the body.
Racing heart, stomach tension, tight chest — the whole nervous system lights up.
That’s part of why the disorder is so exhausting: the mental and physical toll of constantly scanning for danger, trying to outthink your own brain, or searching for reassurance.
And often, it starts young. Many people with OCD can trace their first experiences back to childhood — noticing a “weird” thought, feeling like something was wrong with them, and learning to hide it out of fear of judgment.
OCD Can Be Situational or Chronic
Sometimes OCD develops around specific life events. Postpartum OCD, for example, is common after childbirth — often lasting several months as hormones and protective instincts shift into overdrive.
Other times, OCD develops in childhood or adolescence and lasts for years if left untreated.
There’s also overlap with other conditions in the same “OCD spectrum,” including:
Trichotillomania (hair pulling)
Dermatillomania (skin picking)
All share similar roots in anxiety, compulsion, and the brain’s craving for certainty.
“Do I Have OCD?” — What to Do if You Suspect It
Here’s the tricky thing: one of the most common compulsions in OCD is researching OCD itself.
Endless Googling, taking every quiz, reading every Reddit thread — that’s often how people with OCD try to solve the anxiety. So it’s a fine balance between being informed and feeding the cycle.
If you’re wondering whether you might have OCD:
Start with reputable sources, like: the International OCD Foundation (IOCDF.org)
Avoid over-researching. Set a timer or limit yourself to one trusted site at a time.
Reach out for professional support. A therapist trained in Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) or trauma-informed approaches can help you identify patterns and regain a sense of control.
OCD and the Core Fear Beneath It
At its heart, OCD is often about distrust of self — a deep fear that “maybe I’m not safe,” “maybe I’m a bad person,” or “maybe I can’t handle uncertainty.”
That’s why treatment isn’t just about exposure exercises. It’s about healing that inner distrust through compassion and insight.
In therapy, we start by exploring:
What’s the fear underneath this compulsion?
What does it mean about how you see yourself?
What uncertainty feels impossible to tolerate?
Often, beneath the anxiety is a longing to feel safe in your own skin again — to trust that you can handle whatever your mind throws at you.
There’s Hope — and You Don’t Have to Hide It
OCD can feel incredibly isolating. Many people with taboo or scary intrusive thoughts fear they’ll be judged or “locked up” if they share them.
But these thoughts don’t define you. They’re symptoms — not secrets you have to carry alone.
The truth is: healing from OCD doesn’t mean never having an intrusive thought again. It means learning to say,
“That’s just a thought — and I can choose how I respond.”
With the right help, you can find calm again — even when your brain is loud.
If you’re struggling with intrusive thoughts, anxiety, or obsessive patterns, you’re not alone.
Emboldened Therapy specializes in online therapy in Tennessee for OCD, anxiety, and trauma — blending evidence-based approaches like ERP and EMDR with compassion-centered care.
Learn more about OCD therapy in Tennessee -> book a free phone consultation to explore how OCD therapy may help you find relief and live emboldened!